Nights like this...
There is so much on my mind right now...
I'm lonely. I hate feeling like I'm lonely cuz then I do things that I shouldn't do and call people I shouldn't call. Go places I shouldn't go. That's never a good thing because then I hurt people that shouldn't be hurt.
I need to stop that. I guess I need to understand why I feel like this...
My sister said something to me last night when we talked on that phone that I didn't know about myself. She said that when it comes to women, I sometimes need space away from them if I'm dealing with them too much. I don't have a large plate to eat off of as far as my selection goes so I tend to get with one and just focus on that one. Apparently this is not a good thing because then I will need that space I didn't know I needed and they will still be around. This of course causes friction and I end up kicking them to the curb. This ain't good at all.
This kinda fits into what Carline said about me a few years back about how I will never get married because I don't know what I want and I'm too picky and I can't commit in relationships. I think that's funny because I know that I DO want to have a relationship and get married to the right woman but I just don't see it happening.
Did I tell you I went out with Nicole? I did.It was nice. I realize that she is one of the only women that I can talk to that REALLY gets me. We talk more often than before (not as often as I'd like) and its cool but there is something about things now that is different. I still love to talk to her and we have great conversations but I fear that that may not be enough.
And now lets talk about my book...
First of all, I'm pleased to say that I have an actual copy of it. Too bad the copy I have does not represent the dream I had. I had to go with a new publisher and I hope they can get it right. I need to set a deadline and a goal for my book. I do not want it to just take up space in this world, I want it to go far and help me become the writer I know I will be. I have dreams of a nice house in Hollywood and my son being with me. I want it so bad that it keeps me up at night!
Dennis (the dude working on my site and a few other things) says not to worry. I haven't seen my site yet but he tells me it is awesome and that he has a plan in place for big things to happen. Gotta walk by faith I suppose...
That is very hard to do. I want to, I really do want to but man is it hard! I want to believe that my book is going to set me apart from other authors, I want to believe that there is a woman out there for me and I want to believe that I will have the life I have been dreaming about fr so long. Where is this doubt coming from? I CAN DO THIS DAMN IT!!
I'm lonely. I hate feeling like I'm lonely cuz then I do things that I shouldn't do and call people I shouldn't call. Go places I shouldn't go. That's never a good thing because then I hurt people that shouldn't be hurt.
I need to stop that. I guess I need to understand why I feel like this...
My sister said something to me last night when we talked on that phone that I didn't know about myself. She said that when it comes to women, I sometimes need space away from them if I'm dealing with them too much. I don't have a large plate to eat off of as far as my selection goes so I tend to get with one and just focus on that one. Apparently this is not a good thing because then I will need that space I didn't know I needed and they will still be around. This of course causes friction and I end up kicking them to the curb. This ain't good at all.
This kinda fits into what Carline said about me a few years back about how I will never get married because I don't know what I want and I'm too picky and I can't commit in relationships. I think that's funny because I know that I DO want to have a relationship and get married to the right woman but I just don't see it happening.
Did I tell you I went out with Nicole? I did.It was nice. I realize that she is one of the only women that I can talk to that REALLY gets me. We talk more often than before (not as often as I'd like) and its cool but there is something about things now that is different. I still love to talk to her and we have great conversations but I fear that that may not be enough.
And now lets talk about my book...
First of all, I'm pleased to say that I have an actual copy of it. Too bad the copy I have does not represent the dream I had. I had to go with a new publisher and I hope they can get it right. I need to set a deadline and a goal for my book. I do not want it to just take up space in this world, I want it to go far and help me become the writer I know I will be. I have dreams of a nice house in Hollywood and my son being with me. I want it so bad that it keeps me up at night!
Dennis (the dude working on my site and a few other things) says not to worry. I haven't seen my site yet but he tells me it is awesome and that he has a plan in place for big things to happen. Gotta walk by faith I suppose...
That is very hard to do. I want to, I really do want to but man is it hard! I want to believe that my book is going to set me apart from other authors, I want to believe that there is a woman out there for me and I want to believe that I will have the life I have been dreaming about fr so long. Where is this doubt coming from? I CAN DO THIS DAMN IT!!
posted by Keldrick at 9:04 PM
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